Optimize Yourself

So I'm a woman (Yeah I know, surprise surprise), and as that it sometimes happens that I find myself questioning my own beauty. If I'm really honest, I'd admit that I want to BE beautiful and as beautiful can't be generalized at least I want to FEEL beautiful. The thing is you'll not really see me doing much for that. Lately I wasn't happy with myself and even my life in general. It’s not a huge thing, just a detail. Basically it felt like a beautiful dress that wasn’t fitted perfectly. Therefore I decided that actions were louder than words and that I wanted to take small steps towards a better me and I’ll let you in on that process.

First let's talk about clothing. I prefer dressing more casual than smart, in the mean time I secretly love dresses and skirts since I was a little kid. At some point I just stopped wearing them and nowadays I didn't get back to it, even though I actually have a collection of dresses in my wardrobe. I'm planning on wearing them more often this summer and I hope I'll make it.

The next thing was about cosmetics. There I started very lightly by watching tutorials on YouTube, both on hair and on make-up. It's not the first time that I did that so it's not a huge deal. Of course those tutorials inspired me to actual try something out. I started wearing make-up more often, just light one as usual, but after a while my make-up collection didn't suffice anymore, so I went and spent some money on more stuff, including a bright pink lipstick. I was no confronted with a problem, as I wanted to use that lipstick but in the mean time I was not brave enough. In the end I did it anyway and apart from some ironic comments I got a positive response to it. All that thinking for nothing one could say. Finally I decided to cut my hair short again today even though a friend told me off of it, and I'm loving it.


You think that was enough? Then you are wrong. I was surprised to which extend I wanted to work on myself, because the whole thing is going way further than I could’ve ever imagined. Another thing I'm trying to do is eating healthier. I'm not so into vegetables and unlike many other female specimens I would prefer almost anything to eating salad. Nowadays I try to eat one healthy thing a day (I know that I'm nowhere close to five a day, but I said small steps, remember?), and I'm doing more than fine with that.

The last thing is the biggest surprise. Since last Wednesday I went jogging. Twice. For those of you who know me well, I'll give you a moment to catch your breath, for those who don't: I basically hate exercise and I'm pretty sure that jogging is some kind of torture. Trust me, I don't enjoy the whole sport experience at all, but again, it's healthy. I want to be able to walk on this earth without feeling like coughing blood every time I have to run after a bus. Plus, even though I hate it I can already see results, which was great after having a terrible muscle ache the day after I went the first time. Today I managed to run three times the distance I was able to do last Wednesday, which definitely made me happy.

So you see I'm working on myself. I do it not only because I want to feel beautiful, that was just the initial thought. I've realized that I've been given a body and that I have to work with that as long as I live. Even though I don't want to admit it, your looks are important, people are judging you based on it. I've decided to make give them as little room as possible, without giving up my principals. I want to become a more confident person, I want to become more "me" than I was the day before. I won’t be wearing make-up on a daily basis, but if I feel like it, then I’ll apply it. I've heard a lot lately that we shouldn’t be searching the faults in others if we feel treated badly, but to take action ourselves, to become a better person for ourselves. That's what I'm trying.

Cheerio.

We were made to be courageous

The title up here is the first line of a song that inspired me a lot lately. I'm happier now than I used to be some month ago, but I still struggle with myself and others from time to time. It happens that this song plays on my mp3 player whenever I need it. The song is called courageous by casting crowns and as far as I know it was written for a movie with the same name. In this post I want to talk about courage, and what it may mean if you try to be fierce. In between I might add some lyrics, because the song was my inspiration.

"We were made to lead the way
We could be the generation
That finally breaks the chains"

This is something that is huge around me. We all want to be part of a special generation, we want to see a revolution. Most of the people around me, no matter which background they come from, are looking for a better world and a brighter tomorrow. We are not the only ones. Isn't it part of a youth's destiny to not accept injustice around us, the will to be rebel? I guess so, but as every generation before us I hope we do something with the energy given to us. Let's be courageous.

"The only way we'll ever stand
Is on our knees with lifted hands"

Those words are truly powerful. And to be honest, it was this line that came to my mind yesterday evening. This is a Christian song, so they talk about standing before God and doing his will. There is no way we can stand straight before the king of the universe. If you ever understand what a relationship to God means, the power that comes with it, you might understand. Until then, be courageous for other reasons, don't let fear hinder you to do anything.

"We will reignite the passion
That we buried deep inside"

Again, no matter what you believe in, be passionate about it. Not in a negative, destructive way, but in an open style. Try to motivate others, let them see what your heart cries for. There is a song line by mumford and sons that says: "where you invest your love, you invest your life". So if you only have one life, then take it and make something great.

"Where are you, men of courage?
You were made for so much more"


"We will love our wives and children
We refuse to let them fall"

"May the watchers become warriors
Let the men of God arise"

I guess three days ago those three lines where the ones that made me a little disappointed. It's not only man that can be courageous, courage isn't a limited thing, but as we grow older we learn. I've learned yesterday that a woman can be strong, and she should be, but for a man it's more important. Those lines are supposed to those men of courage who were made for so much more, and they should hear it. I can take my lines, but there are at least as many guys who don't know there value as there are girls, but not a lot of people see it. Plus you know what? I hope to maybe find such a strong guy for myself too, one day.
Let's end this on another line, the final one of the song:

"We were made to be courageous
Lord, make us courageous"
 
Cheerio.

how a spark becomes a light

What is a leader? That is something that got me thinking about a lot lately. For me a leader is not a flawless or perfect person, no, that's just what I used to think. A leader is someone who knows his abilities, and in the mean time is aware of his limitations. A leader is not too stubborn to admit that he is afraid, that it doesn't work out, but the thing is that he still tries to do it the best he can. Another thing about leading others is that you need to be some kind of role model. If your personality is absolutely awful, then you shouldn't be representing others. Most important, practice what you preach. Your authenticity is your 'summum bonum', without it you can't be taken seriously and all you put in was in vain.

When I started to think of writing about this here I did some research and what I found inspired me even more. Most of the quotes I've seen said that you shouldn't send people to places you wouldn't go, and that's right. A leader is not only an organizer, no, he is a pioneer too. You shouldn't be forcing people to do things you wouldn’t do yourself.

In my life there have been some pretty good leaders, some of them were of course more important to me than others, some formed me and others just touched me. They used their free time to engage in something they believed was good, in a youth group, a camp, or some kids’ activities. I've always admired their strength and power and what they did. Deep inside I've always hoped to become such a person too, someone people trust, a reliable person who is there.

Also throughout my life I've seen how people invested in me personally, whether it's just keeping my back, saying something nice or actively spending their time or even money in order to keep me growing, the support just never ends. At first there are my parents, especially my mum who listens to my ideas and pushes me whenever I really need it. I'm not self confident, I don't trust myself and I feel like I could never accomplish anything. Surprisingly, there are a lot of people who would disagree, and those people taught me to believe that too. I'm a spark, a little tiny piece of fire, not bright enough to enlighten anything, but you know what, get me close enough to dry straw and I'll show you what I'm able to do.

So now this is something that is happening a person sees the spark within me and what's it to become bigger, to burn more. There is someone investing in me, is confident me. It's not all set yet, but there is a huge chance that something is coming my way. To say it with slightly varied but still famous words: This is one small step for mankind, one giant leap for myself. It's something I've been thinking of and decided that I was just not yet ready, meaning that I shouldn't aspire to it now, simply because I was too afraid. Of course life disagreed and told me that now IS the time and more exactly, that I might be ready to grow into a leader.

To be honest that is something I tend to forget. In order to be something, you need to become it first. So here I am, taking chances and leaping forward, slowly getting to the person I want to be in the future, ignoring the fear that is holding me back. Whatever comes next, I'll keep you posted!

Cheerio

The big Comeback?

Once again I can see how good I am at sticking to something. To be honest, if life had a "give-up" button then I'd have it pushed a while ago. As an unemployed person who is in need for money, in order to go to college next year I feel like I should be writing job applications till I drop death. But instead I'm doing way less important stuff like watching YouTube videos. What does that have to do with books? Not much, but it has with blogging in general, as I watched a lot of vlogs lately.

I wanted to blog because I felt like there was something I had to tell, even if it was only my own opinion. Then I stopped even though there was still stuff to be told, stories to write. I'm never really dedicated to something because I feel like I'll fail anyway.

Recently, when I watched charlieissocoollike's, danisnotonfire's and itswaypastmybedtime's videos I realized something. They all want their viewers to be someone, to get up their lazy asses. They might be scared to create, as Charlie said lately, but still they moved past that, they never forgot who they were, what they achieved so far.

I enjoy writing, like a lot. I love my two stories that I'm working on and ever since watching the princess diaries in 4th grade I wanted to write, whether in a diary or more. More or less my whole life I spent reading, and I had pen pals before I was able to write properly. The sad thing about this is, I've never ever stuck to anything; I've never showed enough passion ever. Now it might be time to grow up and do that, as I'm no child anymore. There even is a bible quote concerning that. Luke 16, 10: He that is faithful in that which is least is faithful also in much: and he that is unjust in the least is unjust also in much. (I really don't like this translation, but I'm too lazy to search for a better one) It might be time to be faithful in the little things.

I'm not Charlie, nor Dan or Carrie. I'm not even Bryarly, who reminded me with her blog that I have one too, that I once tried to start things. I'm an unknown girl and I'm sure that I won't be anything more, at least not soon, because I do not have a network. But who knows, sometimes it happens, life is unexpected. All I know is that there is only a possibility that somebody reads this, and is inspired, if a write it and not keep it to myself in fear. There is no way for me to always expect good things to fly to me automatically; I need to get my hands dirty first, need to work for it. So here I am, just another no one who tries to start something. It might be in vain, and you find it boring, but at least I tried, right?