Take your time to be lazy

So I work half time. I know that it's not to be compared to working full time. I have quite a few people around me who have told me that there is no reason for me to be tired, that they were doing more, and so on. I get that. Still, I get tired too, as my job can be quite stressful.

I'm cleaning at a hospital. There are three things which are essential: we have to be quick, we have to be nice and we have to be very clean. On special days, I'd say about every Monday to Sunday, we have to be even quicker, nicer and cleaner. It is hard work. After working four hours I usually get home and collapse on my sofa, not able to move for the next hour or so. But yeah, you know, only working half-time here. (I have the most respect for people who can keep that up full time for years and years)

When I started working at the hospital I thought I wouldn't make it long there. After a while it went better, but now I'm really much looking forward to an end soon. I've realized that I practically worked since four month, most of the times five days a week, sometimes on the weekends. Apart from that I started to engage myself at my youth group, I kept up with friends, my writing, found a flat, applied to Uni and went through various fights with my parents. I don't say I have it harder than others, but the sum of all the things that have been going on in my life is pretty heavy for me. 

And you know what? I don't see it getting any less stressful the coming months with moving out, starting Uni and various other things. Even though I did not realize it at first, there were signs of exhaustion going on with me. I stopped writing my diary, even though I wanted to, instead I went to bed. I had to quit appointments with friends because my calendar was overfilled. In general, I had to organize and plan way more things instead of just being able to confirm them. It was all getting over my head. I was tired all the time, even though I had reasonable sleeping hours.

When I look back, I did not remember having much time to idle since mid-march. Of course I had small time bubbles, but they were very very limited. This week was different though. I exchanged shifts with a person that works with me. She did both our half-time shifts on Monday to Wednesday this week, and I'll be doing the same next week. That left me with a five day weekend this week. I really felt like I was having holidays.

So what productive things did I do these past few days? Not many. Three days were spent not leaving my pyjamas, playing Assassin’s Creed in my brother’s room like the addicted person I am right now. That was the best, seriously. I did not have any reason to feel guilty about how I spent my day, I did not have any better plans anyway, for the first time in a while. On Sunday of course I went to church and spent the afternoon with my friends by the river. The last day I was with one of my best friend who just got back from England. We tried to escape the heat wave by stand in the entrance of shops, as the air conditioning is very pleasant there. We also went shopping of course. This happened spontaneously also, due to me having spare time.

Now I'm really not looking forward to work tomorrow, I'd prefer having some more free time. Also I don't look forward to work my butt off on the start of next week. But at least I feel a little relaxed again. I think that, even though it sounds stupid, I really need to make time again for those things. Time to do nothing. I used to have that a lot. Someday I might explain to you how I used to design my free time until now. But for today, I’d say it’s time that I go to bed again. 

Cheerio.

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Life updates are cancelled due to me having neither time nor energy to go jogging. I also didn't do any other mayor things about myself lately. My sleepiness is ruining everything right now ;)

Taking a stroll down memory lane

The past few weeks have been rather stressful and I haven't been in the mood to write a post at all. I still had ideas, but the words wouldn't come. Even though it's getting late again I decided that today was a good day to return to duty. 
Usually I like to prepare for these posts, I don't write about things that happened just hours ago, but today seems to be different anyway. Here is the back-story.

I'm moving out in less than two months and as I'll be living in a place where there are only people still in education allowed, I needed to find a piece of paper I received months ago, as a prove that I'll be attending Uni. I looked everywhere without finding it. What I found though where things I decided to keep during the years, old writings of mine, school papers and cards, letters, diaries... just memories in general. So I love having reminiscent moments a lot, therefore it's nothing new to me that I kept all of these things. The difference today was though that I decided to look into the past of another person instead of mine.

I think I have already told you about my father. He can be very hard to have around, and lately he wasn't exactly what I call easy. Of course I do love him, but that's not enough sometimes. But I have people around me who knew my father before me and my brother were born, even before my parents met. When they tell me how he used to be I'm always torn between crying and laughing. I want to cry because this person doesn't seem to be around anymore, and I want to laugh because... well seemed to have been a very kind person.

So since I was about ten years old I know where my father stores old letters. It was a surprise to me though how many there are actually. I know now why I'm almost religiously collecting postcards and letters, he does that too. Let's not argue if I did wrong to my dad by reading through his belongings, I just wanted to know more about who he used to be.

I won't tell you too many details, as they it's still his private stuff, but some things just made me very emotional. The first things to make me laugh were two birthday cards my father received from the man that still is pastor at my church to this day. It's lovely to see how much my father was engaged in working for what he believed in. I also found some wedding invitations from people I know, as they are still around at my church. My father used to be a real part of it.

Huge parts of the box were of course the letters. I read about two girlfriends over the years, both seemingly nice women. I think had already heard of one, who left my father, but what happened to the other one I can't remember. It was at least nice to read how they liked my father.

Cheerio.