A world hidden between pages

I love reading. It's something I cannot imagine living without; it's a second nature of mine. When my brother and I were just little kids our mum didn't allow us to stay up past 7 pm. And she forbade us to watch TV after around six. The only thing we still could do was looking at storybooks, later read in real books. When we got older, and I'm talking about the time until I was thirteen, the TV turn off time was eight and we were allowed to read until nine. She was quite strict, you know.

As me and my brother didn't have much against that rule we actually read quite a lot. I remember one of the first books I read was about an alley cat. Title and name are still present to me and I think it was about the first book to actually make me cry.

Well you see my mum was supportive of us reading, but she wasn't supporting of us staying up long due to that. So at a certain age I started to read under my blanket, using a DS game boy as a light... bad decision. My mum once told me that she used to do the same, that's why she has glasses. Second generation here and I'm convinced it was worth it. She also wasn't supportive of certain genres though. Harry Potter was no problem; she even went to see every single movie with my brother and me because she wanted to. What she didn't like were vampire stories, but in the end she let us do what we wanted, she couldn't stop me from reading Twilight anyway.

There is this thing about books; they carry a lot of emotions. On the one hand side there are the ones that are written down. The heartbreak when a main character dies, the pain you life through with a person that does in fact not even live, let alone feel anything. It doesn't help. I can tell myself about a thousand times that I read a story that is purely fictional. I can't keep distance to a story; I fall right into it and get lost. Sometimes I need to remind myself that I don't have to fight an evil magician or that I am not battling a deadly fever or that there is definitely not a giant snow storm going on outside, as it is summer. Yes all of these things happened at some point in my head and I had to get over them.

Another thing is that sometimes I can't help but cry or shout or squeal. I'm not a quiet reader (am not a quiet anything to be honest). This spring I was at a friend’s house for a couple of days as kind of a vacation. She is one of my closest friends and I feel quite at home there, so one day she was learning some songs while I was sat on her couch reading. It happened that the male main character of a book died so tragically that I started to bawl like a baby. She looked up to me, asked what happened and when I told her she got back to her music. Not because she is rude but because she understands that I needed to get the pain out and after that I'd be ok. Today was one of these days too, I've read three entire books in 26 hours, (of which I slept 7 and was away 6 more) and in the end I cried because it was heartbreaking. On the other hand there is barely anything that makes me feel more stress released than finishing a truly beautiful, addicting and somewhat perfect story. That’s somewhat explains why I can't go on for too long without reading, it's just not healthy for me.

The last but not least thing that fascinates me about this whole topic is the knowledge you absorb. I can't even imagine how different I'd be if I had never read all these books. I don't see myself as intelligent, but how duller life would be without people like Elizabeth Bennet, Hermione Granger, Aria Stark, Aischa, Jenny, Peeta, Alice, Theo and so one. How less I'd now about Islam, of Heisenberg uncertainty principle, about Westeros, the time around 1666, shadow man, and the USA? I'd have no idea what I'd be even talking about in this last paragraph. Part of my personality was formed by books, and I hope that this keeps happening until my eyes are too weak to see anything more, and if you ask me that'll be the day when I switch to audio books anyway ;)

Cheerio.

What to expect when you're expecting...

...greater things to happen. Do you know that sensation? Your heart is pounding against your chest, your whole body is tingling, you feel restless, your mind is twirling around but in fact whatever makes you feel this way hasn't even started yet. In May when I went jogging several times I experienced this sensation very often. My body was giving me fake symptoms of how I felt whilst jogging, in addition to thinking about it so in the end I managed to actually get up and do it.

Now I'm in a similar but very different position. I'm in my new flat in the city I'll be studying in for the next at least three years. I knew this and all that comes along with it (leaving home, meeting new people, get to know a different system, starting Uni) was coming my way for a long time. I've mentally prepared for this moment since at least April but I still don't feel ready. I have basically not left this room since 3.5 hours in order to adapt to it, I am somehow very very nervous and have felt like this for about three weeks now. In the mean time I also feel kind of restless and overwhelmed. I'm scared of not being able to achieve my goals, as this part of my life is pretty important.

I remember being a little kid and dreaming oh so big. It was my goal to reach a lot of people, with a message that I did not even know which one it was. I wanted to become somewhat of a star, even though I knew that I didn't have a talent like singing or dancing. Whatever it was that made me feel this way, after a while I saw that many people wanted that, some even wanted a kind of fame that was bigger than themselves, just like me. But they did not succeed. So how was I supposed to get there? How is this silly little thing that is me even able to achieve anything that is more than school? You could say I lost track and started hibernation, putting my dreams away and focusing on real things.

After a while I changed my point of view completely, I couldn't imagine anything good to happen to me. It was not like nothing ever happened, but I feared having expectations. I remember being a fourteen year old sitting in the car of a youth group leader (the one I looked up to the most) on the way to a camp. As part of the preparation she asked me and my two friends, who were with us, what we were expecting to happen during that camp. I remember saying that I honestly did not expect anything in order not to get disappointed if whatever scenario I could possibly have in my mind would not become true. Of course that wasn't the right answer, I was told to try again. After a while I just shrugged and said: "I hope to meet new people and to have a good time with my friends". Needless to say that during that camp happened way more than just that silly thing I wished for. It was during that weekend when I realized what it meant to believe in God for the first time and decided to follow his lead, still one of the best decisions I ever made.

Especially this year I have learned how to trust my future in a new way. I've seen things that were very unlikely to become true, like my trip to Mallorca, or finding a job. I also have an inner list of things that I still want to see happening. Some of them could become real soon, others would be true miracles but I trust in God and with him nothing can stop me or my plans to be fulfilled... Whatever lies before me, I'm not afraid. The best days are yet to come and I'm ready to claim them for me, I'm ready to see my dreams become reality. To be scared is ok, but never let fear stop you. Be prepared.
 
Cheerio.
 
P.S. If you really care about what is going on right now: I managed to enable internet in my room, have eaten some celebrations as they were the only eatable thing I had left (I really need to go grocery shopping tomorrow). I have showered and am about to go to sleep in my new room for the first time. It is rather cold here so I need to buy some warm covers and I forgot to bring my pj's, but apart from that I'm fine and pretty good right now. Excited and nervous for tomorrow though.