How to solve a conflict

Hey there, I'm terribly sorry I haven't posted in a while. I'm in this massive stressing situations and I try everything I can to juggle all those things and I'm a massive fail. I'm sincerely sorry about not been having time to write.

I mean every word of what I wrote above, but it's also a good introduction to what I want to write about today. I bet every single one of us has been in the situation yet where things happened that weren't good. No matter if it was your fault, or the other person, arguments happen, people get disappointed and there is for sure a lot of frustration going on. I thought I could share with you the pieces of advice I gathered considering that topic.

First of all if someone does something that gets to you in a negative way, just tell them. There is no use in being angry with someone and not telling them, they might not even have realized that they did wrong. Having an open conversation never did no harm, and if it leads to a proper argument then there is a reason for it. There are people who get anger issues just because they are unable to talk about their feelings. Trust me; you prefer having a fight over being angry for the next twenty years.

First leads to second, before you actually go and announce a problem you should calm down first. I remember about three month ago a friend of mine did something that seriously pissed me off. It kind of included some other people who I knew wouldn't be around for very long, so I decided to wait till they had left. When I finally got to talk to that person I wasn’t madly angry anymore, but I still knew that she had to apologize or at least admit that she kind of did the wrong thing. We actually solved the whole thing like the true adults we (sometimes) are, but when I imagine what could've gone wrong and how we could've be mad at each other for a long time I'm happy how it ended up.

As a third point I have the whole thing about apologies. I remember as a kid when I acted up my Mum would accept my apology instantly, but she wouldn't make me feel like she forgave me before I actually said the words. Of course she was not angry for long, but I had to apologize first. Sometimes it felt, and it still does, like losing, as if saying I'm sorry is the equivalent of saying I'm weak. It is not. Admitting your own flaws shows that you are strong, but also that you are humble. It is strength and a virtue.

Now there is an important thing about apologies to be added. If you do it, then mean it. It shouldn't be a psychological trick or something. Also absolutely distance your words from what the other person might respond. Maybe he or she doesn't accept because you screwed up big time, maybe they need time as forgiveness is a process that can take a while. If that happens, deal with it, after all you just admitted having been an idiot, no need to commit idiocy once more right now. On the other hand we can assume that most of the time not only you did something wrong, but also the other person. Just because you seem to be reasonable and you show sense, doesn't determine that the other person does too. It would be great, yes, but your apology is a one man show. 

Oh and while we are at it, after admitting that you are a douchbag you could actually try to be less of a douchbag in the future, that would be very lovely and appreciated!

Let’s just say I got the utmost surprising apology of my entire life today and it kind of got overshadowed just hours after it. Still, if it was sincere then I appreciate it big time and I’m glad it took place anyway. It shows at least certain things. Sorry, not much of a specification here but some things are supposed to stay off the internet.

Anyway, I can’t promise to become a better blogger the next few weeks, but I’ll keep on trying my best.

Cheerio.

Hit me baby one more time

I should probably just stop making titles out of pop songs I don't even like, but the other option I had was "from Saul to Paul" which from the perspective of a non-church person sounds either bad or like absolutely nothing. Anyway, here is the thing.

There is this topic that has haunted me for a long time now and whenever it reappears in my head I struggle with it all over. If you dislike everything biblically touched then feel free to skip this paragraph from here on. Otherwise just continue it is actually something more or less relatable. I'm not sure if you are familiar with the biblical story, but there was this bad guy called Saul who wanted to haunt down all the Christians only some years after Jesus had died. He was very successful doing it until one day all of a sudden he had an encounter with Jesus himself and that changed his life forever. Usually this little story and his life are used as a metaphor to cheer up those who consider them self too flawed as that they could ever be used by God.

As a person who lived on this planet for nearly twenty years let me tell you two things. Firstly we are all flawed and broken human beings. We all have scars somewhere, visible or not. Secondly, still some people have it worse than others and I just know where my place is in that scale.

I am a lucky girl. Don't get me wrong, I remember this time a year ago I spent most of my nights crying myself to sleep. You can now either think I'm weak or you understand that the breaking point of everyone is different. As you can see it took me less than a year from the ground up again. My life consists of valleys and peaks and I make sure to enjoy the view from a viewpoint as long as I'm up there. The next little down is probably just around the corner, its shadows reaching for me. I should just be grateful for all the sun that I got during my life, but it's a source of fear instead.


There's this saying "God gives his hardest battles to his strongest soldiers". I mean if you are going through a hard time that sounds perfect, but when you know yourself that you handle things moderately then it's not as pleasant. This saying basically makes me the weakest soldier to ever join the forces. I honestly fear that I will not be taken seriously ever if my life resolves like this. Don't we all look up to those incredibly strong people who have not been taken down by anything?

Now don't get me wrong. I'm not asking for actual bad things to hit me, that'd just be plain stupid, no thanks. I also know what some people around me went through and I am very thankful that I didn't have to deal with it. Sometimes I just fear that due to me being what I call lucky, I do not understand how hard it actually is. Pain forms you, no one can tell me it doesn't. Imagine this piece of clay. It doesn't become a beautiful vase without some serious kneading, right? Humans are the same I think.

The fears get even worse when I think of what I want to do in the future. I might see some pretty terrible things later and I'm not absolutely positive that I can handle them. I've known that for a long time now and I still worry that that's the main reason why I'm not supposed to ever work in the field I plan to. What if I just fail due to my own weakness or because I simply won't be taken serious.

I'm a white girl, coming out of a family whit not too many issues. What do I know about the real world, about things like depression, violence, poverty, world hunger, drug abuse? Nothing. There are some other things I know though. I know that I'm willingly to learn about them. I want to listen, I want to help. I might not be strong yet, but I'll learn it, step by step, fight by fight. 

Sometimes I also feel like not yet awake. I think that there is more to me that I am now and I want to use my full potential. How do I wake up when I feel like I'm asleep all the time? How do I get past that stand-by mode, how do I awake the Paul that lives inside this lazy little Saul?

I think it's about transformation in general, about growing over you, again and again. You don't need to hit rock bottom, but you need to face fears. Everyone needs to fight their own battles, one demon at a time. If my biggest problem is my own laziness then that doesn't mean it's less of a problem than real life depression. Whatever hurts me is something I as a person cannot tolerate anymore. I might not have heroic stories afterwards, but I'll have personal growth and trust me, nothing is worse than standing still for too long.

Cheerio.

P.s. Sorry I'm lame, NaNoWriMo is eating my soul and my time. Which is a bad excuse but yeah .