Life is magical

Once again I find myself sitting on a train on the way to university. A bit more than a year ago I was scared that riding trains would lose its magic on me eventually as I was forced to do it on a regular basis. Let me tell you, it has not so far.

As I'm sitting here now, my mind starts to wander. I know the way the train will take, there is nothing spectacular about that, but I'm listening to music, the sun is shining and I feel kind of strange. Not uncomfortable strange though, it’s more of a happy sensation. All of a sudden my mind starts to wander, song by song a little more.

It starts with the beauty of this world. Add a little sun and dull places become full of life, at least that’s how they look to me. It proceeds to thinking about science, how some people think to have found every possible explanation in it and me being thankful that I'm not desperately looking for an answer because I know it. Behind every little thing on this earth is some good old magic.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not talking about witches, about visible sparks or anything like that. I speak about the little things that make life such an extraordinarily beautiful thing. Let me elaborate. I have friends who are in a relationship. They've found someone they are comfortable with, they found another existing human they seem to some sort connect with on a very deep level and that other individual feels somewhat like them. That’s something so rare in my eyes, like a treasure. How are the chances? For me, it is amazing.

If this is not enough, then let me proceed with someone I've basically known all my life. She is pregnant and very soon she'll have a baby. Just imagine that, I've known her when she was a kid herself and now there is literally a little human being growing inside her! Of course I’m aware about the biological process of how we grow and change and also about reproduction, but that sounds so cold and clinical, when it’s really extraordinary, special and simply a miracle.

Now if that is not enough, then I still have more. I just look at my own story and see how things have changed, how relationships with people have become more meaningful, how strangers became friends and sometimes even feel like family. How people get born and they grow up to be human beings with their own character. Also how time passes how people die, there is this ever-changing aspect of life that amazes me so much. You might think I’m naïve or just simple minded, maybe I am. I’m not saying I’ve figured life out at all, but I feel ridiculously close to an epiphany, as if the essence of life is just around the corner waiting for me to grasp it. But of course, I don’t and the moment passes me, not without letting me wish that I would’ve reached it.

At this point I'm very willing to admit that I know how weird it is to try to describe what is going on in one’s head. We cannot share our thoughts because it's a mixture of emotions, experiences and so much more. Just the fact that I'm able to contemplate my own thoughts seems impossible to fully take in.

This might sound crazy and confusing to you, which is okay. There is just one last thing I want to add, something I stumbled over today (actually the day after writing the above and thinking that I shouldn't post something that comes from the crazier/ more philosophical side of my brain). It's a quote by Einstein and there is a reason why I'm utterly impressed by this man, and it's not because of his work for physics.

“There are only two ways to live life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle". - Albert Einstein

I prefer mine to be filled with miracles and curiosity, strange happenings and pure happiness. I’d choose to be strange and weird and lost in thought over being well arranged and controlled any day of my life. Don't know about you though.

Cheerio.

Nine out of eight voices in my head tell me I'm bad at maths...

...the 10th hums the melody of Tetris. This post won't be about my inability to do math tough, but more about the voices that I hear constantly. Don't get me wrong, I'm not that insane, it's just the easiest way to describe what I mean. Basically it’s about your thoughts, but as they are a difficult concept to describe and understand I prefer to explain it a bit more differently.

Some examples of inner voices are languages. I once had a discussion with a friend of mine who is Finnish. We are communicating in English and given the fact that it's not our mother tongue I asked her how she thinks she is able to talk and write English, especially since grammar can be a bit tricky. We both agreed that we just know it's correct, without having to think about it. Actually right now as I'm writing that, I hear a "voice". I'm not thinking what I'll be writing in German first and then translate it, I form a sentence in English straight away. 

I'm not sure if you were able to actually follow that my thoughts where here, so I try another example. When you read something then your brain translates the letters into a sound in your head. You are able to understand what those signs mean because you learned to decipher them and because you know how they sound like you understand the meaning. At least that’s how I understand it, except if you are deaf, in which case I have no idea.

Of course that wasn't all. I also hear other voices, like my sarcastic voice. Basically that's the part of me that is responsible for me not taking things too seriously. Sometimes I just need to laugh at the comedy that is my life, or I need to tell myself that what is bugging me is just a so called "first world problem" in order to maintain a good mood, and it really helps. 

Oh and are you a person that has fake conversation in their head all the time too? Whenever I have a spare moment my mind just comes up with things I should tell a person when I see him/her next. Even worse is it when I remember a conversation I already had and suddenly there is this perfect answer that I didn't have when I needed it. 

Now those examples were all about useful things, but there is also my inner pessimist. That is the reason for me having nights where I can't sleep because I'm worried, it brings me down and makes me believe that I'll never achieve anything. Hearing this voice is not very funny, and the worst is that it's the sneakiest of them all. Before I realize what's going on I'm already very close to panicking, just because of my own thoughts.

I suppose those were the most important voices I know. I also made a video that is a bit related to that topic a few weeks ago, I'll post it further down. If you think that I'm crazy now then you missed the point (but you are still completely correct xD). That was it for this week.

Cheerio.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

optimizing update (Yes I'm making these a thing): I went jogging four times so far, it still kills me but you gotta do what you gotta do. Also I think I discovered my inner bootcamp voice, and she is a freaking kick ass.
I  bought myself a nice skirt which I'll hopefully be wearing at some point and I found a flat, (that I might be sharing with three guys if I'm not lucky enough that a girl gets the last free room). So everything is going well and I'm still working on my self a lot.