Even though I still know exactly
how many people I gave the link to this blog, I found myself controlling
what I wanted to write more and more the past few days. Of course I did a bit
of promoting elsewhere, whether we talk about links on my YouTube channel or
when I make a answer on another blog, but whoever gets on my blog through that,
seems to be interested in whatever I produced to get them here, so it's a completely
different. The thing is I just happen to worry too much about what others may
or may not think of me.
Whenever I started writing
a post in my head lately, I found myself censoring little things that I was
insecure about, especially due to some people being able to read this. I didn't
think that the general topic was bad, but more about what I reviled about
myself and maybe others could be used against me. Of course I don't want to
offend anyone in general, but if you built your opinion about me solely from
what you read on here I don't have to fear anything, because it means that
right now, I don't know you. What made me scared was the fact that it could
change the opinion some have about me, namely of people that I see on a regular
basis, or even worse, of people whose opinion I care about.
It shouldn’t be solely
orientated about people I know, it should also be about people I don't know
yet.. Right now, on this date, I get about 2-3 page views a day. It's not much,
but at the end of a month it adds up to a nice number. It means that I might
have people actually interested in my writing, and not part of a
"friendship support" as I like to call it.
The thing is, here I can
express myself. I don't promote this blog on Facebook, and whenever I share it
with someone I explain certain posts. Some months ago I wrote about me feeling
sad a lot. I was scared that my friends could take that one post wrong, that
they might start to worry about me, even though there was nothing for them to be
afraid of. Lately I thought about different things. For example about me
sharing my opinions on Christianity or just simply, repeat a conversations I
had with friends. The thought that one of those people reading would find my
conclusions weird, or wrong, made me insecure about my own writing, which I
really shouldn’t be.
I want to become better at writing
and in order for that I need to practice it in any form. This blog is a great
chance for that, but it's also a way to get to know myself a little better.
This whole thinking lead to
one thing, namely a Quote by Souza “Dance as though no one is watching you,
love as though you have never been hurt before, sing as though no one can hear
you, live as though heaven is on earth.” This may sound simple, and even worse,
childish, but since I heard it the first time I loved it. I want to do that. I
want to be known as a person who is straight forward. I want to be able to
express my opinions on here, because this is the place where I have absolute
power ;).
To sum this all up, the
content on here won't change; this was just a little inside into my head. On
the other hand I wanted to reassure myself that is ok for me to talk freely.
And last but not least, if you are a friend of mine reading this and something
seems utterly strange to you, then just tell me in person and I have absolutely
no reason to even worry about that. (Oh and I don't say you gave me reasons to
worry, I just did it anyway).
Cheerio
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