So I don't claim to have
understood it all, I don't say everybody feels the same, but right now, this is
the only way I can explain what I feel.
You know how when you are
in love for the first time you feel like nobody will ever grasp how you feel
for that special someone? People can relate, but they can never understand how
you as an individual feel exactly and you are sure that no one has ever felt as
much as you do right now. Being in love for the first time means overwhelming
emotions. Most of the time it hits us when we are young and unprepared, it
feels like a never ending rollercoaster, with it's over joyous ups and its devastating
downs and sometimes, your not even sure if you feel something at all.
Right now, in this very
moment, and in various moments before too, what I feel when I think of the fact
that I'm alive and breathing, is exactly that. When you're in love there are
two types of days. There are the good ones, where the sun is brighter, the
grass is greener than the day before and every love song is written just for
you. Those are the days when only thinking of that someone is enough to carry
you through a whole day, whatever might happen, it's enough to know that you
live on a planet where he/she exists. You are just happy.. That's how I feel
now. I'm happy, everything is good, and I can see a big amount of good things
coming my way that I get the impression that it might stay this way forever,
that might feel like this forever.
But you know what? Sadly
there are the bad days too. Those days you realize that your feeling won't be
reciprocated. The sad realization might hit you over and over again, because
you are blinded by your feelings and you might even be in denial about it, but
deep down you know that even if there ever was a chance for you, then there is
not one right now, that everything was just in your head. Those are the days
when you feel hopeless, like you'll never be happy again. I've had enough of
these days, I know how heavy they feel on your shoulder, how they make you
breathless and numb. At some point you might even try to gather the strength to
end the relationship. In terms of life that might be a deadly decision, but
most of us overcome this state of mind after a while.
The problem is, a human
being might give in, you get a response to your feelings at some point, but
life won't. it feels like it's better on some days than on others, but it's the
same every day, so it is now time to change perspective. What if you see every
phase of your life as a different love, not life in general but different parts
of it?
As a kid, life is a good
friend. Later it's your first love, you make mistakes and at some point you
break up, which makes you feel sad for a while. Eventually, you feel better and
fall in love again. This time it's more stable, you are ready for more serious
things, maybe ready for forever. Of course this doesn't keep up, the feelings
might fade away, but you need to keep holding on to it. At some point you
realize that forever isn't as easy as you thought it was, that life is supposed
to be a rollercoaster and that love alone doesn’t last forever anyway. When you
get there, the only thing I hope is that you can remember at least Emily Dickinson
words: "Forever is composed of nows". Feel the moment, and at some
point even what feels like forever will have passed in an instant. So don't
love forever, just love now and you might be in love all over agian.
Cheerio.
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