Let's talk about love: seconde episode

Hello there, are you up for a next topic? Today I thought that it would be a good day for some dating. Now I hope I made it clear to you that flirting does not mean you are actually that much into someone else, whilst if you actually start dating someone, well then you better be. Flirting may lead to a relationship, but it doesn’t have to, it is as much of an activity for a happy single as it is for someone who doesn’t want to be alone anymore.  As soon as you have caught a real interest in a person, things might change though, as you actually want to catch the other person’s interest too. Instead of just seeing it as fun you might change strategy. You try to figure out as much as possible about the other person and well, you kind of become more concrete. Things become kind of serious, which can be either bad or good.

First of all, what to do when you have a crush on someone? I’m a coward at heart, that’s why I think it’s up to the guy to make the first move. On the other hand I imagine it to be quite hard to open up towards someone out of the blue, so we girls should try our best to encourage the guy, granted that it’s what we want. There is where for me some problems come up. I wouldn’t know how to show interested without giving away too much. When it comes to love I’m rather introverted. When I’m usually open and easy going I totally shut down when I have feelings for someone. The word “normal” does not exist in such situations. I cannot even look at that guy at first because I fear my face will give away everything. Usually I speak my mind but I’m so terribly scared of rejection that when my feelings are fresh I have inner battles how to act around “him”. And even if I wasn’t that shy, when you are comfortable around guys how do you avoid just being seen as a friend, how to stand out? I have no clue.

One of the guys I know heavily promotes the theory that girls can show interested by subtle touches. Body contact is the solution for him. The problem with that one is that I touch other people quite a lot (yay for sounding like a strange person). I mean have you ever ironically patted someone’s shoulder when they’ve complained about something irrelevant? Did you ever hit someone when they did a stupid joke? Have you ever messed up someone’s hair for messing up your friend’s? Ever had a play fight, got thrown into snow or any kind of water? There are a lot of chances to touch someone and not meaning anything with it, so how should a guy know when you are just acting as friends do and when you mean more than that?

Trust me I will not stop the way I act just because some guy has his theory. I will not constantly control myself and over think things from now on. It took me enough time to comfortable around guys, so I’ll remain like that. Of course my friends agreed that it was not the best solution, that’s where another friend comes in. He just shrugged and said: “You might also just ask her if she wants to grab a drink with you”. Hell yes. I mean of course, I would be terribly nervous to get a drink with a male individual. I figured recently that even with one of my closest male friends, I might text them a lot but I rarely ever hang out with just him alone. We went playing billiard recently and even though I know that he is not into me (we talked about that one, TWICE), and I’m not into him, for a moment it felt oh so awkward. That’s life I guess. On the other hand just going into a bar or even a café means that you get to spent time with that person, in which you can discuss certain things in person and also it does not necessarily mean anything because you could also do that just as friends. It’s somewhat nonchalant in my opinion.

Also there is this nice thing with not seeing the obvious. I have experienced both sides, once a guy I showed actual interest in did not notice it. We actually had a conversation about that month later and he had no idea that I had a crush on him for more than two years, even though I fought all my fears down and told him stuff like he is handsome. He didn’t suspect anything. On the other hand I usually see when a couple around me is about to get together. Usually I think it’s very obvious. When a guy does show the slightest bit of affection towards me? I’m totally blind. Ok it only happened once, but after telling a friend who saw us together, she just laughed and said she was suspecting something when I was caught by surprise. Maybe it’s a sign of low self-esteem that people might not see those signs, even when everybody around them does.

Now that’s kind of what dating is to me. It’s the middle stage, after flirting, before relationship. It’s an inbetweener, a link. Again, definitions are not exactly my strength as I tend to just use a word in a specific context. As you might or might not see, I actually do not have that much experience in successfully start a relationship, but I’ve had enough crushes in my life to have at least some rough ideas, trust me on that. See you soon!

Cheerio.

Let's talk about love: first episode

I kind of wanted to write a post about dating, guys and lovey dovey stuff in general for a while now and I thought now was the perfect time as we are approaching valentine’s day. Now don’t get me wrong, in my opinion this day means nothing, except that it will be the third year in a row that I’ll use it as an opportunity to bake something with one of my best friends. Instead f writing one gigantic post this will be the start of a short series containing three parts, all of which will be uploaded this week. That might hopefully lead to me being more active of a blogger once more.

The first topic I want to tackle today is flirting. Now I really think that the amount of flirting in my life was very limited until the last couple of months. It took me long enough to be able to normally talk to guys so I do not wonder why it went slowly with that form of communication. Before I actually dig into it, first I want to state some things. What is and is not considered flirting is something that could lead to an enduring philosophical discussion. I leave it up to yourself to decide what it actually means for you. I know that I’m a person who does consider things to be flirty after just a little, but I also go very easy on it and do not take it seriously. It consists of a lot of teasing with a twist, but what that means is once again hard to pinpoint. My best advice is to be fluent in sarcasm and irony for this task, but it’s not necessary by any means.

You send out some signals, non-verbally and verbally but depending on what kind of person you are it means more or less. I don’t think that it’s easy for anyone to figure out when I’m really interested and when I’m just messing around a bit, whilst with other people it’s more than obvious what their intentions are because they are usually less out there. Most of the time it’s the easiest way for me to communicate with male specimen in general so you’ll most probably see me do it.

Women can be easily lulled into something by a man who knows his words. I catch me every once in a while that I talk to a guy who actually just pushes the right buttons and thus makes me at least the tiniest bit interested. When I was younger that was the source of some problems as I did not understand how much of a game flirting is. It’s like a dance, you approach and get apart, you attract and repel. As in every game there is also the possibility of a loser. That happens when one participant, and I mean only one, forgets about the game aspect and well, falls in love. Been there, done that, it’s not fun. When both feel the same, then congratulation, you got to the next level, relationship.

The perks of flirting are huge. If you do it right you can bring a guy to talk about a lot of things, it helps you get to know them. As I said it involves a lot of teasing and that makes it easier for people to engage in a conversation as you give them room to defend themselves. Also it’s exciting and fun. Depending on the guy I have on the opposite of me, my heart races a little and I enjoy my days a lot more ;)

The best thing is when you actually get something back. I said I don’t take those kind of things seriously anymore, at least not that much, and that is kind of the clue to successful flirting. You want payback for anything, you are not talking to a wall. When I used to focus so much about what the other person might think of me I appeared to be so stiff and insecure that it couldn’t have been fun to have a conversation with me. At some point it stopped luckily, I was way more open and well, I genuinely decided that I liked that bit of tension that you can cause between two people. It’s kind of mean but as easier it is for you to dally a bit, the more chances you’ll get to do it. Men seem to sense it, they see how comfortable you are and they react to it, that’s why I think I have flirted more the last couple of days. It was mostly just responding to whatever kind of attention I got from the opposite gender.

So let me conclude swiftly: Flirting, to me, means talking, chatting, teasing or whatever with a person you might or might not be attracted to. It is not to be confused with having real intentions; neither do you want to hurt the other person. It’s all about playing a game and having fun, no harm intended. It is supposed to be uncomplicated and with no strings attached, at least that’s how I see it. I hope you can enjoy the one or the other good flirt in the future, you never know where it actually gets you in the end. Finally the definitions and executions of it differ from person to person.

Stay tuned for the second part of this little series

Cheerio.