Hello
there, are you up for a next topic? Today I thought that it would be a good day
for some dating. Now I hope I made it clear to you that flirting does not mean
you are actually that much into someone else, whilst if you actually start
dating someone, well then you better be. Flirting may lead to a relationship,
but it doesn’t have to, it is as much of an activity for a happy single as it
is for someone who doesn’t want to be alone anymore. As soon as you have caught a real interest in
a person, things might change though, as you actually want to catch the other
person’s interest too. Instead of just seeing it as fun you might change strategy.
You try to figure out as much as possible about the other person and well, you
kind of become more concrete. Things become kind of serious, which can be
either bad or good.
First of
all, what to do when you have a crush on someone? I’m a coward at heart, that’s
why I think it’s up to the guy to make the first move. On the other hand I
imagine it to be quite hard to open up towards someone out of the blue, so we
girls should try our best to encourage the guy, granted that it’s what we want.
There is where for me some problems come up. I wouldn’t know how to show interested
without giving away too much. When it comes to love I’m rather introverted.
When I’m usually open and easy going I totally shut down when I have feelings
for someone. The word “normal” does not exist in such situations. I cannot even
look at that guy at first because I fear my face will give away everything.
Usually I speak my mind but I’m so terribly scared of rejection that when my
feelings are fresh I have inner battles how to act around “him”. And even if I
wasn’t that shy, when you are comfortable around guys how do you avoid just
being seen as a friend, how to stand out? I have no clue.
One of the
guys I know heavily promotes the theory that girls can show interested by
subtle touches. Body contact is the solution for him. The problem with that one
is that I touch other people quite a lot (yay for sounding like a strange
person). I mean have you ever ironically patted someone’s shoulder when they’ve
complained about something irrelevant? Did you ever hit someone when they did a
stupid joke? Have you ever messed up someone’s hair for messing up your friend’s?
Ever had a play fight, got thrown into snow or any kind of water? There are a
lot of chances to touch someone and not meaning anything with it, so how should
a guy know when you are just acting as friends do and when you mean more than
that?
Trust me I
will not stop the way I act just because some guy has his theory. I will not
constantly control myself and over think things from now on. It took me enough
time to comfortable around guys, so I’ll remain like that. Of course my friends
agreed that it was not the best solution, that’s where another friend comes in.
He just shrugged and said: “You might also just ask her if she wants to grab a
drink with you”. Hell yes. I mean of course, I would be terribly nervous to get
a drink with a male individual. I figured recently that even with one of my
closest male friends, I might text them a lot but I rarely ever hang out with
just him alone. We went playing billiard recently and even though I know that
he is not into me (we talked about that one, TWICE), and I’m not into him, for
a moment it felt oh so awkward. That’s life I guess. On the other hand just
going into a bar or even a café means that you get to spent time with that
person, in which you can discuss certain things in person and also it does not necessarily
mean anything because you could also do that just as friends. It’s somewhat
nonchalant in my opinion.
Also there
is this nice thing with not seeing the obvious. I have experienced both sides,
once a guy I showed actual interest in did not notice it. We actually had a
conversation about that month later and he had no idea that I had a crush on
him for more than two years, even though I fought all my fears down and told
him stuff like he is handsome. He didn’t suspect anything. On the other hand I
usually see when a couple around me is about to get together. Usually I think
it’s very obvious. When a guy does show the slightest bit of affection towards
me? I’m totally blind. Ok it only happened once, but after telling a friend who
saw us together, she just laughed and said she was suspecting something when I
was caught by surprise. Maybe it’s a sign of low self-esteem that people might
not see those signs, even when everybody around them does.
Now that’s
kind of what dating is to me. It’s the middle stage, after flirting, before
relationship. It’s an inbetweener, a link. Again, definitions are not exactly my
strength as I tend to just use a word in a specific context. As you might or
might not see, I actually do not have that much experience in successfully start
a relationship, but I’ve had enough crushes in my life to have at least some
rough ideas, trust me on that. See you soon!
Cheerio.
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