Two things I see as given
in my life, firstly I try to be as punctual as possible, secondly I'm terribly
chaotic. So when you mix both of these together you get a person with an
absolute need for pressure in order to finish something. If there is no due
date then I'll probably procrastinate until either I run out of more irrelevant
things to do or when pigs actually start to fly.
Here, have an example. I
told you about this presentation I had in my last post. I actually wrote it the
night before, making the PowerPoint presentation the very same day I had to
stand in front of my class and talk about it. I tried to start earlier, but
couldn't squeeze one mildly intelligent word out of my brains. Besides, you
know what? The lecturer told me actually that I was rather good. Of course it
wasn't perfect, but I never expected it to be anyway.
Another situation on which
I realized that not everyone can actually withstand the tension* of last
minute entries was when I wrote this big paper during my final year of school.
I had all the information gathered but I was only able to write on it about
four weeks before I had to hand it in, which considering the amount of time we
had, was very little. Even my teacher made a remark on it saying he was
slightly worried and admitting that he had no reason to. That also was the
moment my mum could finally accept that I work in my own pace.
They even talk about this
whole issue in the bible, I mean hello? What I'm talking about is written in
Ecclesiastes and to be honest, that's part of the reason why this book is my
favourite. Just read the verse and you might understand me. "To every thing
there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven." [Eccl. 3:1; KJV]. I just feel like this sentence gets
my way of thinking. It's not about pushing it off mindlessly, it's about doing
it when you are ready, when the idea is ripe to become real.
That's also the reason why
I try my hardest to keep a weekly schedule up, even when weekly isn't determined
with a certain day. When I loosen up too much then I might quit, which is the
last thing I want to do right now.
Finally this whole schedule
thing gets more and more important as NaNo approaches fast. I think next week
you'll hear more about it, as I want to introduce this fabulous project to all
of you. The fact that you just have to get the right amount of words during November
is the best push I can get. I don't want to see myself loosing, especially
since I have won the past two years, of which the first my schedule was about
to burst due to all the things I was involved. I'm pumped for it and almost set
to go. On the other hand I need to have my time organized well or I might
end up neglecting either school, writing or my social life, which I want to
prevent from happening!
To sum this up, schedules
and deadlines keep me motivated and help me organise, even though what I'm
doing might look like a mess to orderly people. I simply flourish
under pressure. They also provide me with good
products instead of just some lightly planed bits and bobs, as last minute
execution leaves way more time and room for good planning beforehand. It's probably best
that everyone has their own way of dealing with their own time.
Cheerio.
* I am sorry, insider alert
;)
So I work half time. I know
that it's not to be compared to working full time. I have quite a few people
around me who have told me that there is no reason for me to be tired, that
they were doing more, and so on. I get that. Still, I get tired too, as my job
can be quite stressful.
I'm cleaning at a hospital.
There are three things which are essential: we have to be quick, we have to be
nice and we have to be very clean. On special days, I'd say about every Monday
to Sunday, we have to be even quicker, nicer and cleaner. It is hard work.
After working four hours I usually get home and collapse on my sofa, not able
to move for the next hour or so. But yeah, you know, only working half-time
here. (I have the most respect for people who can keep that up full time for
years and years)
When I started working at
the hospital I thought I wouldn't make it long there. After a while it went
better, but now I'm really much looking forward to an end soon. I've realized
that I practically worked since four month, most of the times five days a week,
sometimes on the weekends. Apart from that I started to engage myself at my
youth group, I kept up with friends, my writing, found a flat, applied to Uni
and went through various fights with my parents. I don't say I have it harder
than others, but the sum of all the things that have been going on in my life
is pretty heavy for me.
And you know what? I don't
see it getting any less stressful the coming months with moving out, starting
Uni and various other things. Even though I did not realize it at first, there
were signs of exhaustion going on with me. I stopped writing my diary, even
though I wanted to, instead I went to bed. I had to quit appointments with
friends because my calendar was overfilled. In general, I had to organize and
plan way more things instead of just being able to confirm them. It was all
getting over my head. I was tired all the time, even though I had reasonable
sleeping hours.
When I look back, I did not
remember having much time to idle since mid-march. Of course I had small time
bubbles, but they were very very limited. This week was different though. I
exchanged shifts with a person that works with me. She did both our half-time
shifts on Monday to Wednesday this week, and I'll be doing the same next week.
That left me with a five day weekend this week. I really felt like I was having
holidays.
So what productive things
did I do these past few days? Not many. Three days were spent not leaving my pyjamas,
playing Assassin’s Creed in my brother’s room like the addicted person I am
right now. That was the best, seriously. I did not have any reason to feel
guilty about how I spent my day, I did not have any better plans anyway, for
the first time in a while. On Sunday of course I went to church and spent the
afternoon with my friends by the river. The last day I was with one of my best
friend who just got back from England. We tried to escape the heat wave by
stand in the entrance of shops, as the air conditioning is very pleasant there.
We also went shopping of course. This happened spontaneously also, due to me
having spare time.
Now I'm really not looking
forward to work tomorrow, I'd prefer having some more free time. Also I don't
look forward to work my butt off on the start of next week. But at least I feel
a little relaxed again. I think that, even though it sounds stupid, I really
need to make time again for those things. Time to do nothing. I used to have
that a lot. Someday I might explain to you how I used to design my free
time until now. But for today, I’d say it’s time that I go to bed again.
Cheerio.
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Life updates are cancelled
due to me having neither time nor energy to go jogging. I also didn't do any
other mayor things about myself lately. My sleepiness is ruining everything
right now ;)
