I always liked music. That
is definitely true. The thing about me saying I like it implies though, that I
don't love it. I can do well without it. Even "Christian music" or
worship music. It's just not as important for me as it seems to be for others. I played the flute for almost
ten years, tried to teach myself guitar, sung in various choirs. Music is fine,
really, just not everything. Still there are moments and songs in my head that are inseparable.
I remember being sixteen on
a night train to Barcelona. The story sounds way more interesting told this
way. We went there do the second part of our class exchange program that we had
with a school in Alicante. So we sat there, thirteen teenagers squished in a
railway compartment that was build for four people. It was hot, there was no space. We were drinking, listening to music, being the teenagers we were. Next
to me sat my crush, a guy who should later, starting with that week, slowly
become my best friend. He had smuggled a bottle of Jägermeister into the train.
I tried a bit; to my utter surprise I liked it. He laughed at me and I guess my
heart kind of stopped that moment. Then a song came on. "Behind blue
eyes". We both have blue eyes and I blurted out without thinking that I
really liked that song. It spoke about pain you hide, and I think all people
who remember their teenage years know how it is to hide at least a little pain. So we
kind of started to chat about music, figuring out that we both cared more for
lyrics than for tunes. We connected somehow.
Later that night I sat next
to another guy after having changed the compartment to the one my friends and I
slept in (the "neighbours" were nicer there). Again, I spoke about
music, this time about that kind, that is heavily bass, drums and guitar infused.
I got introduced to some bands I still listen to and to the kind of music
called nu metal. I never liked the screamo, so this fit me.
I hardly ever spoke to the
boys in my class to this point. I did not have any male friends to be honest,
so just chatting with them was odd for me. That's why probably the topic stuck
so much. Sometimes I still smile at that person I was. Today I feel totally
comfortable and at ease around guys. Sixteen year old self could not know.
There is another song that
was some sort of life changing to me. It was a day after my fourteenth
birthday, Good Friday. We went to a camp in the morning, in the evening we had
the usual christian camp thing, someone talking about the bible, worship, etc. I can't really
remember how it went, it is kind of blurry, but throughout the evening I
decided to become a Christian, to follow Jesus. Somehow linked to that is a German
song. I don't know what it was; it just made me understand all those things I
couldn't before. The thing with that song is, it's not one we sing at church.
Sometimes they do sing it at big gatherings though, like the camp I was between
Christmas and new years. I don't listen to it throughout the year as it is
really dear to me and I don't want it to lose its magic. Why is it so special?
My body reacts to it very much. All of a sudden I feel like that fourteen year
old girl again, it is like newly enamoured, but instead of some stupid boy, I
feel enamoured of God. I have weak knees, I start to cry, I am shaky, and
butterflies are in my tummy. I wouldn't want it to happen randomly, but to have
that feeling every once in a while is glorious, it grounds me and reminds me
that fourteen year old me was able to decided bloody wisely.
In general, I think if
there was a particular music playing during important moments of your life,
then those songs will stick with you. I have a song stuck in my head almost
every day, which is just kind of part of my life. I once even wrote that music
is the background of life. It has no main character qualities for me, but it
can enhance the bigger picture of a situation.
The next story is terribly
cheesy. I said when I was sixteen I was in Spain with my class. The second day
after we went there, the whole group went to go to a theme park close to
Alicante. Most of the day we spend as a group together. I have to admit that I
am terribly afraid of rides, still I went on all, except two (one looked
scarier than I could take, the other was a free fall thing, not fond of them).
Sometime in the afternoon the guy I talked about earlier got kind of bored.
Most of the group wanted to see a show whilst he wanted to go on more rides.
Crushing on someone makes you do stupid things, so I said I would join him. The
two of us left the group and we went on all the rides we wanted. I did not care
much about my fears, I just went along, which was odd for me. Especially when I say it once more that I had no male friends at that time. One on one with a guy I felt very insecure. We knew when the
show was over, so we went to await the others at the main gate. We were
exhausted so we sat down, out of a speaker there played some music. All of a sudden a
song came on by Céline Dion. I was surprised that I recognized it, as I only
downloaded it the week before going to Spain. It was a terribly itchy cheesy
song, but for my current situation very fitting. So I sat there, enjoying the
irony of a song describing my exact emotions, not saying a word about them.
Then the group came back and the moment was over.
Right now, as I have Spotify
on shuffle, the song Hosanna came on, another one of my all time favourites. I
remember a time where I could not bear to listen to Christian music. I didn't
feel like praising God, so I thought that I was lying when I listened to those
songs nevertheless. The only song I didn't skip on my mp3 was this.
I mentioned earlier that I
care about lyrics more than I do care about tunes. I really do, especially when
I find that the singer does not represent the words of the song correctly. I
have spent hours searching for covers of songs, until in my head the voice and
lyrics aligned. I also refuse to listen to any music I don't understand the
lyrics off. With the exception of some party tunes due to nostalgia I mostly
listen to songs that I at least some sort of agree with the lyrics with. If you
want to go on my nerves start blasting Pitbull with "whistleblower"
or "wiggle", that'll do. Or sing "take me to church" as a
friend of mine has been doing recently. I prefer not having those stuck in my
head, thank you.
A lot of people I know care
so much about music. Some songs have carried me through a lot, and the past two
weeks I have been listening to worship music more than usually, due to reasons
I might explain later. Still, I know that I feel way better when stuck with
words, written words, black on white. A tune can carry an emotion much easier
than a word, music is universal. Maybe that's why I'm more impressed with the
other, as you are limited by language. How to express something like an emotion
with words? It does make less sense than expressing it by a melody. Also, have
you ever heard of songs that carry a story? I love those!
To be honest I just assume
that I have a very unpopular opinion on music. I know so many people who care
about it beyond all measures, that go to oh so many concerts in their life,
that pay lots of money for it and kind of just crazy. I can't really understand
that. I use it as a means to an end when I study for something or write on a
paper. Sometimes I also just relax to it, but that is a rare occurrence. I have
cried cause of songs, laughed, I felt emotions due to some, but that does not
change how I feel about it in general. Yes, songs have me inspired to write
before, as they will continue but music does not mean everything to me and that
is just the way it is, which works out fine for me. Music is not the voice my heart speaks.e I'm quite happy that I
don't have to be passionate about it, just imagine how boring that would be.
I'll stick with my crappy writing.
Cheerio.
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