I'm writing this post
before I write something in my diary about yesterday, so the thoughts are still
fresh and have not left my brain yet. Also usually I don't talk as much about
my personal relationship with God, as again, it's probably the utmost private
thing I have, but I want to share my thoughts here today. Also in this post I
just chat about things that go on at my church, including things that cannot be
easily explained as they are supernatural. I still try my best to explain
everything briefly. Due to the length of this post I’m going to divide it into
two parts, firstly some general things and then the events of last Sunday.
Last weekend I had a great
time, even though quite a while I thought that this wouldn't be the case. Let
me elaborate. Our church had some visitors from the USA who were on
a mission trip in Switzerland. They all attend the same school that belongs to
a big church in the US. I have not yet seen through it completely, but when it
comes to that church, my church is kind of obsessed.
I really consider it
unhealthy from time to time, and I have never made an effort to hide me being
displeased. Yes, some of my friends are there, or they plan to attend, some have
paid it a visit before. I'd never say they are some kind of fangirls/boys,
following the newest trend. I believe that the movement there does a lot of
good in the name of God and that I know nothing bad about them to say, but I
still have a big problem with what's going on. Sometimes it seems that this
church alone is good, holy and blessed. They listen to their music, watch their
services online, read their pastor's books and all in all it looks like they
are putting those people way too high above themselves. Yes, they are gifted,
but so are people in our church. They reach more people, but since when is it quantity
over quality? (I didn't say that the quality is bad, but from what I know they
started out small, like everyone does)
You see, I'm not opposed to
the work, nor the people, but I'm opposed to the hype. Some people behaved like
we were going to have celebrities in the house, when all they did was using
their God given gift for what they got it, serving. They probably received
better teaching than most of us so they serve very well, but from what I got to
know about them they also have a servants heart, which means they are humble.
Before this weekend I was so distracted by what people said and how they
reacted to their coming, that I myself put this group on a pedestal, just on a
bad one. I'm more than happy to say that I was wrong.
There is a reason why I act
opposed to the whole behaviour and I must admit it's not because I'm clever
enough to see through people who just play along and are secretly dishonest
with themselves. I get told that I'm reasonable a lot which is probably a good description
and I like it. The problem is that apart from being reasonable I am also very
passionate. If I'd let myself then I could easily jump on every bandwagon
around me. I just don't want that all the time, so I keep that passion stored
somewhere inside of me so it doesn't break loose all the time. That doesn't
mean that I'm calm or anything, I have no problem to express myself and be a
bit crazy, but there is one area of life when it's very different, namely
everything that has to do with God.
I don't want to exaggerate around
him; I just want to be me, and the most me I could actually be. I don't want to
be shaken or swept off my feet, just because it happens to my peers. I don't
want to lift my hands during worship because it's the norm at church. I don't
want to pray in tongues, or pretend to be able to do it just for the sake of
belonging. (Disclaimer, I don't say I knew of anyone who does that but could
easily see it happen). Me and God, us, that's what I want. I want to honour him
because I want to. I want to desire to follow where he leads me because that's
my actual heart cry to. For me, God does not do anything to force me, he just
picks up my hand and then we see together what's next. I'm not his puppet,
instead we are a team. He talks to me in the way that makes me comfortable, he doesn't want to scare me and for me that shows just how much he loves me, as a unique person.
That was all I wanted to write about today, the second part follows Wednesday
Cheerio.
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