I give to many f****

I consider a lot of people my friends. It's not like I wander around looking for them though, it just happens that I think of a person as a friend after knowing them for a short while, depending on what we've shared. When I get along well with someone, then I consider that human being as a good friend. I honestly have at least sixty people that I count into that circle of good friends; I'd say there are even more. Now this isn't me bragging, I just try to bring across a point.

There is a problem though. Out of those sixty people, each one of them has a life, their own joys and fears. Everyone has problems and happy moments, and sometimes I can share one with them. For example a very close friend of mine invited me to her graduation ceremony. Of course I was happy for her that she graduated, but what we all didn't know was that the final paper she wrote got a special price. So when she received it (she had no idea either), I was very very proud of her. Another thing is weddings. I love to see the people around me marrying the person they love, so I try my best to attend every wedding that I'm allowed to go. Sometimes I get so excited about things like that, I fear that I annoy everyone around me.

On the other hand it also means suffering with a friend who is going through a hard time. I meet a girl online and I know she is cutting herself. She is only thirteen years old and lives far away, but within days I felt really close to her. Of course that meant knowing how she is hurt didn't just go past me. 

Even worse than suffering with someone it is to be rejected, or just the realization that you care too much about a person who doesn’t care for you. It happened that I considered a person a friend, just to find out that I was nothing more than a person they roughly knew to them. As I said, I’m a person to feel too much in too little time, so I shouldn’t be wondering about that. If that really is the case though then I need to look for distance, I need to figure out what my picture of this person is, how I see them. It might even mean cutting the ropes if I realize that I was wrong all along.
There were several moments in my life where I try to shut all those friendship emotions down. I've had enough of suffering with others; I just didn't want to care that much anymore. Sometimes people like me, people who just care too much, get hurt, and that isn't easy to deal with. It definitely would be easiest to completely shut down that side of myself, but then I'd miss a lot of laughs, opportunities to be proud and graceful for my friends, and I think that I'd be way more lonely. Our youth pastor's wife once said "love wastefully", and that's what I'm doing. I have so much love to give, and there is no need to store it. In the end you'll get so much more back than you were handing out anyway. Still I decided to look after myself too, I won't neglect my own happiness.

So what I'm trying to say, don't try to hide your feelings because you are scared to get hurt. You can't go through life without being harmed, but you can choose to get over it and still carry on loving others. That sounds to me way better than just hiding away licking your wounds.

Cheerio.



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First of all sorry that publishing this took so long, I'm being rather busy right now. I went jogging twice last week, once 57 minutes and once 68 minutes. I'm really planning on doing half a marathon in October. Another thing I did was I finished sewing on a dress I bought about five years ago. I had to adjust one part because it looked odd and I couldn't wear it as it was. I even managed to wear it to a wedding that I went to yesterday.