Selfie Time

I'm not sure if this is something everyone can relate to, if it's a girl problem or if it's just me who is affected by it, but let me tell you something. Sometimes I look in the mirror not just to check that I don't have any stains on my clothes or to check my face for leftover toothpaste, but in order to really look at me. As a matter of fact I assume that every single person who knows me has probably more of an idea about my face, its shape and generally how I look than I do. Sometimes when I share one of these intense looks with my own reflection it happens that I do not even recognize me anymore. Or maybe that's just the moment where I can truly see all my features unlike those short glimpses I get throughout the day.

Usually when I take a little more time to look at myself I start to see every flaw. I don't have pure skin, there is this scar on my forehead and I think that my face is genuinely not what I consider good looking. Of course there are also things about my body that I dislike, which add up to my vain unhappiness. I mean I know that I could do more for myself and I'd probably look better, I could wear more make-up, use skin care more regularly and dress better, but even though I think about these things doesn't mean that I think I should do them every day.

There are also other days luckily, in which I can't help but compliment myself, like for example the colour of my eyes, for how my hair lies or sometimes a shirt that I bought that suits me. Getting a compliment from a friend is cool and feels nice, but getting one from my harshest critic, me, feels just as good. Sometimes one of these I-kind-of-do-not-dislike-myself-that-much days can lead up to some pampering.

Sometimes I start to paint my nails, just because I can. I do not care on most days, yes, but I can enjoy treating myself with some make-up or nail polish from time to time. It might not end then; sometimes I want to embrace that good feeling even more so I start to look into my wardrobe for the right piece to enhance my beauty. When I found it I look into the mirror again. It's the same person I considered ugly the day before, the very same features, but my perspective has changed. It happens that I spend minutes just standing there, trying to understand why I can feel so different about my own body that has not really changed but just feels different. From time to time I'm done at this point, looking and trying to figure out my own self, but it there are also moments when I move on to another Level.

I hate photos of me. I don't mean I dislike pictures of me and my friends, I love them. I just don't like me alone in a photo. There are only two moments when it's ok for me to take a picture of myself. Firstly when my profile picture on facebook is so outdated that I managed to change my hairstyle twice since taking the last one (trust me, that did happen way too often) and secondly when I feel beautiful. As a result I have probably more selfies than you'd expect, but most of them were taken on about six days throughout my entire life.

Let me tell you, giving yourself an ego-selfie-photo shoot is a real joy. Some of my pictures look very very bad so I delete them just after taking, but others are very nice ones too. Don't be embarrassed to pose a little; no one is ever going to see them anyway, unless you decide to share them. Enjoy your own body, feel unashamed. Try out different angles, pull faces or use filters, whatever pleases you. Don't listen to anyone, not even yourself, when they tell you you're worthless or ugly as beauty is in the eye of the beholder. If you dislike cameras as much as I do then face it anyway, you don't want to look at all the beautiful photos of your friends and pretend all of them look incredibly good and you are the ugly duckling. It's not true. And remember, one thing is for sure, a picture says more than a thousand words.

Cheerio.