Just get lost!

I'm very shy. People who know me a little better might know that shy is the wrong word for it, that it's a bit more complicated. Basically when I'm in my group of friends, then I'm perfectly fine, I just adjust to them and it’s ok. As soon as I have to do something alone, where I don't have nobody’s lead to follow, I get a little lost. That is something I'm working on, I want to be my own boss, I want to become independent, and I know that I can make it. Right now, I'm not. So if I decide now to actually do things alone, then it needs a lot of courage and also effort for it to happen, but I'm fighting my way there.

So a couple of days ago I had a day off of work. The first thing I did was sleep in, as I really needed some kind of break. Around 1 pm I realized that just lingering around in my jim-jams all day wouldn't be enough, even though usually that's my perfect thing to do on such a day. I then decided to take my bike and go to an electric store a bit away from where I'm living because my brother had an unused gift card and I wanted to get a better memory card for my camera. Before I left the house I already felt that it wouldn't be done with just driving there and then go back, I wanted to do some exploring too. 

Now think of it, I live in a rather small city, and I've been living there for twelve years. There aren't that many places left that I don't know like the back of my hand, but I wanted to find one. The last time I felt so strangely melancholic was when I managed to nearly get lost in the forest near my house. I have a good sense of orientation, but at some point I decided to leave the path and to find a way through the scrub. In the end I got out exactly where I thought I would, but to get there was a little adventure, in a save environment. I wanted to do that again.

What I did first was to put in my earphones and to turn of the music. That really helped me to get even more in the mood. Then I asked myself what place I didn't know that well and that I now wanted to see. I saw in my head a picture a friend once posted on Facebook and I knew roughly how to get there. It was even close to the electric store, so the decision was an easy one. It's on the same lake as the city, but separated by a peninsula. I did not even think of it but it happened naturally that I followed the street along the lake to get back to the city, instead of taking the direct way. It went up and down, and it took me about two hours, but in the end I got back. Throughout all of this I knew more or less where I was, but I'd never visited this place before. I was out, on my own, following my strange melancholy to some very beautiful places along my ride. 

When I was back in the city, everything was too loud and too fast. I wasn't out that long, but I felt so calm inside that even those things were disturbing my mood. It was all in all really surreal, but it felt so good. Of course you might wonder why I even shared that, but I've learned to appreciate little moments of happiness, and I was truly happy that day and I was satisfied with having followed my emotions. Just a normal day for everybody else...

Cheerio.